you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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