whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
