nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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