You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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