handjob tips. give me some.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize