sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
