WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
