I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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