every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
