i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
