I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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