I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize