i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
