he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
