It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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