is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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