we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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