She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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