I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
