how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there was a trapeze. enough said
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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