so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I did not marry a roomba.
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