i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize