If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
