Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
