I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
