You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
