I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i drank out of a bidet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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