I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
