Got a toothbrush?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
