Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
