I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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