Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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