shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
