I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
