I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
