Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
