some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
