all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
