if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
