Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize