So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
