I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
