I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
