yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I intend to get homeless drunk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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