heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
