Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
