Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
