Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
