my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
