Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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