did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize