I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
