New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
