while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
