ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize