i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
