Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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