Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
