I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
