Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
