I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize