Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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