I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
