the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
