I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
