I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
