I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
