you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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