whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
