in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
