Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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