It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
