This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
