i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
