Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
