all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do herpes really smell.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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