Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So vagazzling was a success
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
