Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
