when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Please don't give away my fajitas
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
