I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
