By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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