i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
