I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
