haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
