well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
