you would pick up someone in the library
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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