It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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