Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
