He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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