I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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