You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
