i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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