I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
