Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
