miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
