yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
