I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
