There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
