Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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