if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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