Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
