Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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