Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
