yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
